Having been on both sides of this ubiquitous fence, I am trying to figure out which is worse. In the process of finishing my marriage several years ago, I was the person actively trying to draw things to a close. While this was a devastatingly painful process, I was, to a large extent, the person driving the process and I knew that it was the right thing to do for me to walk away. The painful part was that I hated hurting another person for whom I still cared very deeply.
This time, I am the dumpee, and I must say that it feels infinitely more painful and hurtful. The decision has been seized from me. Even in the days leading up to the ultimately final conversation, when I felt he was becoming more distant, and I contemplated "getting in first", I chose not to. Clearly, I was still clinging to the faint though dwindling hope that we would survive against all the odds.
So is the pain of a relationship ending in some way a function of having control wrest from you?
If you make the decision to finish a relationship, does that make it easier, or harder, or just different? Or if the pain is greater this time, does it mean that I simply love(d) this person more? Unfortunately, I don't seem to have found the answers to any questions. Every day just seems to throw up additional questions....without answers.......
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